DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS 

Partial List of Successful and Popular Plays. Large Catalogue Free. 
Price ISc each. Postpaid, Unless Dlffarent Price is Given 



DRAMAS, COMEDIES, 
ENTERTAINMENTS, Etc. 



15 
1 9 
4 4 

10 



Aaron Boggs, Freshman, 3 

acts, 2Vi hrs (2Sc) 8 8 

Abbu San of Old Japan, 2 acts, 

2 lu-s (25c) 

After the Game, 2 acts, 1^4 

hrs (25c) 

All a Mistake, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 

All for the Cause, 1 act, \Va 

hrs (25c) 

All on Account of Polly, 3 acts, 

214 hrs (25c) 6 10 

And Home Came Ted, 3 acts, 

21^ hrs (35c) 6 6 

Arizona Cowboy, 4 acts, Zy^ 

- hrs (2Sc) 7 5 

As a Woman Thinketh, 3 acts, 

ZVz hrs (25c) 9 7 

At the End of the Rainbow, 3 

acts, 214 hrs (25c) 6 14 

Boy Scout Hero, 2 acts, IJi hrs. 

(2Sc) 17 

Boy Scouts' Good Turn, 3 acts, 

134 hrs (25c) 16 2 

Brookdale Farm, 4 acts, 2% 

•hrs (25c) 7 3 

Brother Josiah, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 7 4 

Busy Liar, 3 acts, 2^ h. (25c) 7 4 
Call of the Colors, 2 acts, X^ 

hrs (25c) 4 10 

Call of Wohelo, 3 acts, IH 

hrs (2Sc) 10 

Camouflage of Shirley, 3 acts, 

2^ hrs (35c) 8 10 

Civil Service, 3 acts, 21/4' hrs. 

(25c) 

College Town, 3 acts, 2^ 

hrs (25c) 

Danger Signal, 2 acts, 2 hrs.. 
Daughter of the Desert, 4 

acts, 214 hrs (25c) 

Deacon Dubbs, 3 acts, 214 hrs. 

(25c) 

Deacon Entangled, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

■(2Sc) 

Down in Dixie, 4 acts, -^'2 

hrs _^,..(25c) 

Dream That Came True, 3 

acts, 2Vi hrs (2Sc) 6 13 

Editor-in-Chief, 1 hr. . . . (25c) 10 
Enchanted Wood, l-H h. (35c).Optnl. 
Everyyouth, 3 acts, 1^ h. (25c1.,7 6 
Face at the Window, 3 acts, 2 

hrs. (25c) 4 4 

Fifty-Fifty, 3 acts, 2 hrs. (35c) 6 8 
Fun on the Podunk Limited, 

1% hrs (25c) 9 14 



6 5 



6 4 
8 4 



M. F. 

Her Honor, the Mayor, 3 acts, 

2 hrs. (25c) 3 S 

High School Freshman, 3 acts, 

2 hrs (25c) 12 

Indian Days, 1 hr (50c) 5 2 

In Plum Valley, 4 acts, 24 

hrs (25c) 6 4 

Jayville Junction, 1% hrs.(25c) 14 17 
Kicked Out of College, 3 acts, 

214 hrs (25c) 10 9 

Kingdom of Heart's Content, 3 

acts, 214 hrs.. (25c) 6 12 

Lady of the Library, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (23c) 5 10 

Laughing Cure, 2' acts, 1J4 hrs. 

(25c) 4 5 

Lighthouse Nan, 3 acts, 2^ 

hrs (25c) 5 4 

Little Buckshot, 3 acts, 2J4 hrs. 

(25c) 7 4 

Little Clodhopper, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (2Sc) 3 4. 

Mirandy's Minstrels. ... (25c) Optnl. 
Mrs. Tubbs Does Her Bit, 3 

acts, 24 hrs. (25c) 7 7 

Mrs. Tubbs of Shantytown, ' 3 

acts, 214 hrs (2Sc) 4 7 

Old Fashioned Mother, 3 acts, 

24, hrs. ; : (25c) 6 6 

Old Maid's Club, Xy-i hrs.(2Sc) 2 16 
Old Oaken Bucket, 4 acts, 2 

hrs (2Sc) 8 6 

Old School at Hick'ry Holler, 

14 hrs (25c) 12 9 

On the Little Big Horn, 4 acts, 

21/^ hrs .(25c) 10 4 

Poor Married Man, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 4 4 

Prairie Rose, 4 acts, 2^ h. (2Sc) 7 4 

Rummage Sale, 50 min 4 10 

Rustic Romeo, 2 acts, 24 

hrs (25c) 10 12 

Safety First, 3 acts, 

254 hrs (25c) 5 5 

Savageland, 2 acts, 2J^ hrs. (50c) 5 5 
School Ma'am, 4 acts, lj4 hrs. 6 5 
Sewing for the Heathen, 40 min. 9 
Southern Cinderella, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 7 

Spark of Life, 3 acts, 

2 hrs (25c) 4 4 

Spell of the Image, 3 acts, 2 14 

hrs (25c) 10 10 

Star Bright, 3 acts, 2,4 h. (25c) 6 5 
Teacher, Kin I Go Home? 2 

scenes, 35 min 7 3 

Tliose Dreadful Twins, 3 acts, 

2 hrs (25c) 6 4 

Thread of Destiny, 3 acts, 2J^ 

hrs (25c) 9 16 

Tonv, the Convict, 5 acts, 24 

"hrs (25c) 7 4 



T.S.DENISON & COMPANY,Publishers,154W.Randolph St.. Chicago 



Please Pass the Cream 



A COMEDY 



CHARLES NEVERS HOLMES 



AUTHOR OF 



'Their First Quarrel" and "Smith's Unlucky Day. 




CHICAGO 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY 

Publishers 



PLEASE PASS THE CREAM 






Mr. John Clark A ''Self -Made'' Man 

Mrs. John Clark A Former Schoolma'am 



Place — Anywhere. 



Time — Breakfast. 



Time of Playing — Twenty Minutes. 



COSTUMES. 
Mr. Clark — Breakfast Attire. 
Mrs. Clark — Morning Gown. 



PROPERTIES. 

All listed in description of stage setting. 



STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

R. means right of the stage ; C, center ; R. C, right center; 
L., left; I E., first entrance; U . E., upper entrance; R. 3 E., 
right entrance up stage, etc. ; up stage, away from footlights ; 
down stage, near footlights. The actor is supposed to be 
facing the audience. 



COPYRIGHT, 1918, BY T. S. DENISON & COMPANY 

2 

SEP -7 1918 

©CI.D 50298 



PLEASE PASS THE CREAM 



Scene: Dining-room of the Clarks, cosily furnished in 
dark; dining-table in center, two chairs at opposite ends, 
table set with plates, knives, forks, spoons, glasses, coffee pot 
and cups at right end, zvith sugar and a cream-pitcher ; 
plate, knife, fork, spoons, glass at left end; also a carafe 
of zvater; butter, salt and pepper boxes, napkins, etc. A 
sideboard with silver. Rug under table. Modern hanging 
lamp over it. Doors at right and left. Window at back 
beside sideboard. Telephone on small table in left corner. 
Mr. Clark^ about 40 years of age, stout and easy going, 
seated in chair at left end of table. Mrs. Clark, about 35 
years old, rather slim and nervotts, at the right end. As the 
curtain rises both are eating some meat and potatoes, a clock 
in hall behind door at right striking the hour of eight. 

Mrs. Clark {raising her napkin to her mouth). I wish 
you wouldn't say "it don't," John. That isn't grammatical ! 

Mr. Clark {raising a piece of potato on his knife to- his 
mouth). It ain't— why isn't it? 

Mrs. C. {dropping her napkin to the floor, in a voice of 
utter horror). Oh, John, John! How many, many times 
have I besought you not to use that terrible, terrible word 
"ain't"? 

Mr. C. {very cheerfidly, raising another piece of potato 
on his knife). I dunno, Martha. I never was much good 
at mental arithmetic. 

Mrs. C. {picking up her napkin, mournfully). John, 
don't you remember that you promised me when we were 
engaged never more to utter that abominable word. 

Mr. C. {cutting aivkzvardly at his meat). I ain't quite 
sure that I made such a promise, Martha. 

Mrs. C. {sharply). John Clark, you certainly did make 
such a promise — not once but several times ! 

Mr. C. {starting to raise a piece of meat to his mouth, 
letting it fall) . But, Martha, that was only an engagement 

3 



4 PLEASE PASS THE CREAM 

promise, and engagement promises ain't no wise binding, 
so to speak, after the wedding march is ended. 

Mrs. C. {angrily, again dropping her napkin). Mr. 
Clark, if you utter that word again I shall withdraw from 
the table ! 

Mr. C. (still cutting azvay awkzvardly at the meat). All 
right, Martha. I won't use that word no more. 

Mrs. C. (picking up her napkin, sharply). John Clark, 
what you have just said is also ungrammatical. It is very 
incorrect for you to say "I won't use that word no more." 

Mr. C. (raising another piece of potato on his knife). 
But, my dear, I don't see zvhy it is incorrect for me to say 
that I won't use the word "ain't" again. Nozv you're blaming 
me for riot using it. 

Mrs. C, (a little confused). You know very well what I 
mean! (Suddenly and more sharply.) John, how many 
times have I requested you not to eat with your knife? 

Mr. C. (letting his knife fall out of his hand to the 
floor). But what is a knife for if it isn't to eat with? 

Mrs. C. (in tone of utter disgust). Oh, won't you ever 
speak correct English. Why couldn't you have said, "What 
is the purpose of a table-knife if it is not to use in eating?" 

Mr. C. (very cordially, reaching down to pick up the 
fallen knife). You are exactly right, my dear. I agree 
wholly with you — the purpose of a table-knife is to be used 
in eating. 

Mrs. C. (very sharply). But a table-knife is not a 
freight elevator, John Clark ! 

Mr. C. (starting to raise more potato on his knife). 
No, Martha, a fork is the proper instrument with which 
to convey a piece of meat from one's plate to one's mouth. 

Mrs. C. (rising hastily, speaking quickly). John, stop 
that ! Never use a knife, even at home, that has fallen to 
the floor! (Goes to the sideboard, opens a drazver, takes 
out a table-knife and exchanges this knife for the one just 
dropped by Mr. C.) There! (Resuming her seat.) Don't 
you dare to misuse this knife as you misused the other one, 
John Clark! 



PLEASE PASS THE CREAAI S 

Mr. C. (rather humbly). No, ma'am! Still, it's ever so 
much easier to eat with my knife than with my fork. 

Mrs. C. (decidedly, beginning to eat again). No, it isn't! 
Besides, it's very vulgar^ — and dangerous, too. 

Mr. C. (now using his fork). Yet I've read somewhere 
— I know I have — that George Washington ate with his 
knife in the same way that I did. 

Mrs. C. (quickly). Oh, well, forks were not invented 
then. 

Mr. C. (drinking from his glass of water). They never 
should have been invented. Fingers are ever so much better 
than forks. 

Mrs. C. (rising from her seat to go again to the side- 
board). I expected you to say that fingers were invented 
before forks. How did it happen that you forgot to make 
that remark — again? 

Mr. C. (using his napkin very clumsily). Really I can't 
see why an honest hungry man should be ashamed of eating 
with his knife. 

Mrs. C. (returning to her seat with the sugar tongs). 
Well, it's not the correct thing socially. Mrs. James's hus- 
band never eats with his knife. (Quickly.) John, that isn't 
a wash towel ; it's a napkin. 

Mr. C. (dropping the napkin to the floor). I wish that 
Mrs. James's husband would pay that $100 he has owed 
me for a year. 

Mrs. C. (beginning to pour out the coffee). You should 
feel proud that a gentleman of such high social position as 
Mr. James owes you a hundred dollars. 

Mr. C. (picking up the napkin). Well, when a dozen 
other gentlemen of high social position have each owed me 
a hundred dollars for more than a year I don't feel so 
proud of Mr. James's owing me a hundred plunks. 

Mrs. C. (beginning to put in some sugar with the tongs 
into the cup of coffee). Not a hundred /^/mh^.?, dear. You 
mean a hundred dollars. 

Mr. C. (a little crossly). I mean just what I say — a hun- 
dred plunks! Perhaps if he ate with his knife and said 



6 PLEASE PASS THE CREAM 

"ain't" the way I do he would never have borrowed them 
hundred plunks. 

Mrs. C. (in utter horror). "Them hundred plunks!" 
Oh, John ! 

Mr. C. {angrily). Ye-es,- them hundred "bucks"! 
{More angrily.) Now, see here, Martha Smith, I am a z^^-ry 
patient man. My father was a patient man and my mother 
was the most patientest woman you ever did see ; but they 
have had their limits, and so have I. {Bringing his hand 
dozvn firmly upon the table.) And when I get real riled 
I ain't nearly as agreeable as aforetimes. {Pauses for a 
moment as though to emphasise his remarks.) As I said, 
I am a ve-ry patient man, but I have my limit. Now, 
Martha Smith, you have been a-pestering me all breakfast 
time, and a-correcting me on my expressions of speech. 
Also, you have been fault-finding with my table manners, 
and I have got ?7£'-ry tired of it. Now, I want you to under- 
stand, Martha Smith, right here, that I won't tolerate an- 
other word from you {he rises and then bangs his fist hard 
upon the table), and I'll say "it ain't," "it hain't," "it don't" 
as often as I darn please ! And I'll eat with my knife or my 
fingers as often as I darn please ! {Raising his voice still 
more.) Do you understand that, Martha Smith? {He 
glares angrily at her.) 

Mrs. C. {very coolly and very deliberately). Mr. Clark, 
you are so amusing when you get "real* riled." If you could 
only see yourself {mimics him) "when you ain't nearly as 
agreeable as aforetimes." Now, I never get angry myself, 
never. And at any rate not after seeing you in a tantrum. 
It's too disgusting. You are not a handsome man, even 
when you are agreeable, Mr. Clark ; but when you are really 
"riled," my! you're homely, as homely as — well, words fail 
me! {She laughs somewhat irritatingly.) 

Mr. C. {ivalking furiously up and dozvn the left side of 
the room, savagely). If you only was a man for a minute! 

Mrs. C. {more coolly and deliberately). I wish I were 
for only half a minute. 



PLEASE PASS THE CREAM 7 

Mr. C. {zvalking more furiously, speaking more sav- 
agely). It is no wonder your first husband died! 

Mrs. C. {rising quickly from her 'chair). What do you 
mean, Mr. Clark? {Then she reseats herself just as quickly.) 
No, I never get angry myself, never, and I'm not going to 
become angry this time. {She rises again and carries the 
cup of coffee she has poured oiit, placing it at his end of 
the table.) You see how calm I am, Mr. Clark — how very 
calm. {She returns to her seat with a martyr-like smile.) 
If I were you I should drink that coffee before it gets cool. 

Mr. C. {pausing in his zvalking angrily). I don't want 
any coffee! {More angrily.) Martha Smith, I asked you 
if yon understood? 

Mrs. C. {with great dignity). Mr. Clark, please remem- 
ber that I am Mrs. Clark. 

Mr. C. {in a lower tone). Guess I'll never forget that! 

Mrs. C. {beginning to pour out some coffee for herself). 
Don't you think you had better drink your coffee? It must 
be getting cool. 

Mr. C. {zvith a flash of anger). Oh, darn the coffee! 

Mrs. C. {putting in tzvo lumps of sugar). Just as you 
please, Mr. Clark, just as you please. 

Mr. C. {sitting dozvn sulkily in his scat). Martha Smith, 
this nagging of yours is getting on my nerves. 

Mrs. C. {pouring from the cream-pitcher into her coffee). 
I remarked a short while ago that I am Mrs. Clark! 

Mr. C. {settling dozvn into his chair). Well, because you 
are Mrs. Clark doesn't give you any right to nag me. 

Mrs. C. {stirring her coffee). I am not nagging you. I 
have never nagged anybody in my life, but when you said 
"them hundred plunks" — oh, horrors! 

Mr. C. {beginning to finger his coffee spoon). But what 
should I have said? 

Mrs. C. {still stirring her coffee). What should you have 
said? Why — why — "those hundred dollars," of course. 

Mr. C. {in a grumbling tone). It's too blamed bad that 
a man can't speak as he wants to in his own home. 

Mrs. C. {sipping her coffee). You may, John, providing 



.8 PLEASE PASS THE CREAM 

that you follow the rules of grammatical English, as are 
observed by our best society. 

Mr. C. (less sulkily, still fingering his coffee spoon). 
What do you mean by our best society, Martha? 

Mrs. C. (a little perplexed). Our best society? Oh — yes 
— er — why, our best society means those that are in the best 
society — those who are the recognized leaders of society — 
the men and women who are socially "it." 

Mr. C. (quickly). Martha! "Socially it"? I am sur- 
prised to hear such an expression fall from your lips. "So- 
cially it"! Why, zvhat a vulgar phrase. You should have 
said, "Our best society consists of those men and women 
who are the leaders of elite society!" 

Mrs. C. (with much dignity). Your coffee mtist be cold 
by this time, John. Let me give you another cup? 

Mr. C. (rather gleefully). No, Martha, this coffee is all 
right; but haven't you forgotten something? 

Mrs. C. (still ivith dignity). What is it I have forgotten? 

Mr. C. (cheerfully) . The milk, Martha, the milk. Please 
pass the milk. 

Mrs. C. (reprovingly). Of course you mean the cream, 
John. (Passing the pitcher.) 

Mr. C. (receiving the pitcher). No, I mean the milk. 

Mrs. C. (rather sharply). But, my dear, it isn't milk; 
it's cream. 

Mr. C. (obstinately) . It is not! It's milk. (Spelling it.) 
M-i-l-k, milk ! 

Mrs. C. (stirring her coffee). It is not milk, John. Milk 
is what the cows give — this is cream! 

Mr. C. (with a grin, still holding the pitcher). I never 
knew before that cream does not come from milk. Very 
remarkable ! 

Mrs. C. (a little confused). Now don't try to misunder- 
stand me. Of course milk comes from cream, and that 
pitcher contains cream, not milk. 

Mr. C. (zvith another grin). Martha, I never knew before 
that milk comes from cream. 

Mrs. C. (with dignity). That was a slip of my tongue. 



PLEASE PASS THE CREAM 9 

Mr. C. {gleefully). Yes, just as when you say that this 
pitcher contains cream. 

Mrs. C. {sharply). It does contain cream, and not milk! 

Mr. C. {pouring some of it from the pitcher into a glass). 
Now, see there. Do you call that cream? Cream! It's more 
like skim milk. 

Mrs. C. {wearily). Can't you comprehend, John? ^o- 
cially it is cream. You never ask for milk in your coffee 
but always for cream. 

■ Mr. C. {impatiently). I don't care one continental what 
it is socially. Practically it is milk. {Drinking from the 
glass into which he has poured from the pitcher.) Yes, 
that's milk all right. {Pushing the pitcher towards Mrs. C.) 
Taste it yourself Martha. See if it isn't milk. 

Mrs. C. {nervously sipping her coffee). That isn't the 
point at all. Of course when it's in a drinking glass it may 
be milk, but when it's in a cream-pitcher it is ahvays cream. 

Mr. C. {still more impatiently). But pouring it into a 
drinking glass doesn't change its real nature. If it's milk, 
it's milk, and if it's cream, it's cream! 

Mrs. C. {again sipping her coffee). Yes, it is just the 
same in the pitcher as it is in the glass, only we call it, 
politely, cream when it is in the pitcher and milk when in 
the glass. 

Mr. C. {crossly). Well, what has politeness to do with 
it, anyway? If it's milk in the glass it will be milk when 
it's in the pitcher. 

Mrs. C. {sipping her coffee zvith a half smile). Don't 
you see, John, that it's cream when it's in the cream-pitcher ? 

Mr. C. {still more crossly). I suppose that if that pitcher 
contained only water it could be called cream ! 

Mrs. C. {putting dozvn her spoon and drinking her 
coffee). You are aiv-inWy stupid — when you want to be, 
my dear. 

Mr. C. {rising quickly and going over to the telephone). 
You needn't take my word for it. We'll have some one 
else's opinion. {Takes dozvn the receiver.) Hello! Give me 
Main 203. {Turns to Mrs. C.) I'm going to talk with Joe 



10 PLEASE PASS THE CREAM 

Williams. He's head of the Wholesale Milk Company. 
(Speaking into 'phone.) Hello! Is this Joe? I'm John 
Clark. You see, Joe, my «wife and I have had a sHght dis- 
pute. She declares up and down that the milk we are 
using on our breakfast table is cream, and not milk at all. 
I say that it's milk — no matter whether it's in a cream- 
pitcher or not. She says that as long as it's in a cream- 
pitcher it's cream and not milk. Now, Joe, am I right? 
It's milk, because I have drunk some of it and I remember 
that Mrs. Clark told me this morning the milkman had 
forgotten to leave the cream. (Pauses a moment.) What's 
that? You think I am right, but you are going to ask your 
wife and will call me up soon? Thank you, Joe. (He 
replaces the receiver and returns to his chair.) 

Mrs. C. (with a sweet smile). I am sorry, John, that 
you have had to call for assistance, but Mrs. Williams will, 
I am sure, wholly agree with me. 

Mr. C. (sourly). Well, I was ibrought up on a farm 
and I ought to know the difference between milk and cream. 

Mrs. C. (with a very sweet smile). I guess you were 
brought up on a farm all right. 

Mr. C. (angrily). So were you! I found it out only a 
short time ago. (Laughing softly.) Ha! ha! ha! 

Mrs. C. (mimicking him). Ha! ha! ha! ha! Now, I'm 
not going to lose my temper, whatever you may say. I 
never get angry myself — no, never! 

(The telephone rings.) 

Mr. C. (hastening to the telephone). Nozv we shall see! 
(Takes dozvn the receiver.) Hello! Hello, Joe. Oh, good 
morning, Mrs. Williams. How do you do? Yes, thank you, 
both my wife and I are pretty well. What did you say? 
(Listens while sJie is speaking.) Is that so? It is? I under- 
stand. What did you say? Oh, of course socially — yes — 
yes ! No, our dispute is not serious ; only a difference of 
opinion. As I told your husband a very slight difference. 
Thank you for your trouble, Mrs. Williams. Will you 
please ask Mr. Williams to come to the telephone a moment? 



PLEASE PASS THE CREAM 11 

O ! He has gone for the day ? Thank you — good-hyc. 
{Impatiently hangs up the receiver.) 

Mrs. C. {laughing heartily). Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! 
ha! What did I tell you, John? Didn't Mrs. Wilhams agree 
ivholly with me? 

Mr. C. {reseating himself). Yes, of course she did. I 
expected that, but Joe, I'm sure, believes that I am right. 
You see he didn't dare to tell me his real opinion when his 
wife was there. Probably he will visit us a little later and 
convince you that you are wrong. But he didn't have the 
courage to say so in the presence of his wife. Isn't it too 
bad, Martha, that Joe hasn't some of my independence? 

Mrs. C. {a little angrily). I hope that Mr. Williams is 
not as stupid as you are — sometimes. {More angrily.) 
John, how very obstinate you are ! You know well enough 
that / have the right of it, and yet you won't admit it. 

Mr. C. {sloivly stirring his coffee). After all, Martha, 
I think I'll have some coffee. Will you please pass me the 
milk? 

Mrs. C. {zvitJi considerable temper). John Clark, I 
never get angry myself, never, but certainly you do try my 
patience — sorely. Now, I don't want you to call that cream 
milk — again! Not again! {She rises from her chair.) 

Mr. C. {still stirring his coffee). Martha, will you please 
pass me the — milk? 

Mrs. C. {angrily stamping her foot). John Clark, how 
dare you ! 

Mr. C. {calmly). Martha, will you please pass me the 
milk ! 

Mrs. C. {in a furious temper, stamping her foot and 
then pounding upon the table). It ain't milk — it ain't! 

Mr. C. {zvitli mock seriousness). Martha! It ain't! 
That is not grammatical. Oh, that terrible, terrible word — 
ain't ! 

Mrs. C. {very furiously). I never said ain't — never — 
never — never! 

Mr. C. {very mournfully). You did, Martha — you did. 
I heard you. You said, "It ain't no milk!" 



12 PLEASE PASS THE CREAM 

Mrs. C. {imldly seising the cream-pitcher and suddenly 
dashing it and its contents to the floor, vn view of the audi- 
ence). There — darn it! 

Mr. C. {rising quickly). Hold on! That is Grandmother 
Smith's old cream-pitcher ! 

Mrs. C. {in despair). Oh, zvhat have I done! {She 
stands for a moment, looking silently at the ruins of the 
prized cream-pitcher, and then sinks into her chair, pulling 
out her handkerchief and zveeping hysterically.) 

Mr. C. {standing as though dazed, gazing upon the shat- 
tered pitcher.) Gee zvhiz! {Taking a step fortvard tozvards 
Mrs. C., speaking kindly, placing his right hand gently upon 
her shaking shoulders.) Well, Martha, don't feel so badly 
about it — it ain't any use to "cry over spilt milk !" 

Mrs. S. {suddenly rising from her chair, glaring at Mr. 
C.). It isn't spilt milk — it's spilt cream! 

Curtain. 



DENBSON'S ACTING PLAYS 

Price 15 Cents Each, Postpaid, Unless Different Price is Given 



Trial of Hearts, 4 acts, 2',4 hrs. 

(35c) 6 13 

Trip to Storyland, 1 li hrs. (25c) 17 -J 
Uncle Josh, 4 acts, 2>;t hrs. (25c) S 3 
Under Blue Skies, 4 acts, 2 

lirs (25c) 7 10 

Under the Laurels,, 5 acts, 2 hrs. 6 4 
V.'inning Widow, 2 acts, V/2 hrs. 

(25c) 2 4 

Women Who Did, 1 hr...(25c) 17 
Yankee Detective, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 8 3 

FARCES, COIVIEDIETAS, Etc. 



All on a Summer's Day, 40 min. 

April Fools, 30 min 

Assessor, The, 10 min .". 

\unt Harriet's- Night Out, 35 

min 

Baby Show at Pincville, 20 min. 
Billy's Chorus Girl, 25 min... 

Billy's Mishap, 20 min 

Borrowed Luncheon, 20 min.. 
Borrowing Trouble, 20 min. . . . 
<r.ase Against Casey, 40 min... 

Country Justice, 15 min 

Cow that Kicked Chicago, 20 m. 
Divided Attentions, 35 min... 

Family Strike, 20 min 

First-Class Hotel, 20 min.... 
For Love and Honor, 20 min.. 
Fudge and a Burglar, 15 min.. 
Fun in Photo Gallery, 30 min.. 
Getting Rid of Father, 20 min. 
Great S'Eedical Dispensary, 30 m. 
Great Pumpkin Case, 30 min.. 
Hans Von Smash, 30 min.... 
Initiating a Granger, 25 min.. 
Irish Linen Peddler, 40 min... 
Kansas Immigrants, 20 min... 
Lottie Sees It Through, 35 min. 

Men Not Wanted, 30 rain 

Mother Goose's Goslings, 30 m. 
Mrs. Jenkins' Brilliant Idea, 35m. 
Mrs. Stubbins' Book Agent, 30 m. 
Not a Man in the House, 40 m. 

Pair of Lunatics, 20 min 

Patsy O'Wang, 35' min....... 

Pat, the Apothecary, 35 min.. 
Persecuted Dutchman, 30 min. 
Please Pass the Cream, 20 min. 
Second Childhood, IS min.... 

Shadows, 35 min 

Sing a Song of Seniors, 30 min 
Smith's Unlucky Day, 20 m:n.. 
Taking Father's Place, 30 min. 

That Rascal Pat, 30 min 

Too Much of a Good Thing, 45 

min 

Turn Him Out, 35 min 

Two Aunts ar.d a Photo, 20 m. 
Two Gentlemen in a Fix, 15 m. 
Two Ghosts in White, 20 min . . 



Two of a Kind, 40 min 2 3 

Uncle Dick's Alistake, 20 min.. 3 2 

Wanted a Correspondent, 45 m. 4 4 
Watch, a Wallet, and a Jack of 

Spades, 40 min 3 6 

The Whole Truth, 40 min 5 4 

Who's the Boss? 25 min 3 6 

Wide Enough for Two, 45 min. 5 2 

Wrong Baby, 25 min 8 

VAUDEVILLE SKETCHES, MON- 
OLOGUES. ETHIOPIAN PLAYS. 

Amateur, 15 min 1 1 

At Harmony Junction, 20 min. 4 
Axin' Her Father, 25 m^ii. .... 2 3 
Booster Club of Blackville, 25 m.lO 
Breakfast Food for Two, 20 m. 1 1 

Cold Finish, IS min 2 1 

Colored Honeymoon, 25 min... 2 2 
Coon Crigek Courtship, 15 min. 1 1 
Coming Champion, 20 min.... 2 
Coontown Thirteen Club, 25 m.l4 

(Counterfeit Bills, 20 min 1 1 

Darktown Fire Brigade, 25 min. 10 
Doings of a Dude, 20 rain.... 2 1 

For Reform, 20 min 4 

Fresh Timothy Hay, 20 miri.. 2 1 
Glickmai], the Glazier, 25 min. 1 1 
Good Mornin' Judge, 35 min. . 9 2 

Her Hero, 20 min 1 1 

Hey, Rube! 15 rnin 1 

Home Run, 15 min 1 1 

Hungry, 15 min . 2 

Little Miss Enemy, 15 min.... 1 1 
Little Red School House, 20 m. 4 

Love and Lather, 35 min 3 2 

^Marriage and After, 10 min.. 1 

Meniohis Mose, 25 min 5 1 

Mischievous Nigger, 25 min.. 4 2 
Mr. and Mrs. Fido, 20 min.... 1 1 

Oh, Doctor! 30 min 6 2 

One Sweetheart for Two, 20 ra. 2 

Oyster Stew, 10 min 2 

Pete Yansen's Gurl's Moder, 10m. 1 
Pickles for Two, IS rain.;... 2 

Si and I, 15 min 1 

Special Sale, 15 min 2 

Street Faker, IS min. 3 

Such Ignoi-ance, 15 min 2 

Sunny Son of Italy, 15 min... 1 

Time Table, 20 min 1 I 

Tramp and the Actress, 20 min. 1 1 
Troubled by Ghosts, 10 min... 4 
Troubles of Rozinski, IS min.. 1 
Two Jay Detectives, 15 min.. 3 
Umbrella Mender, IS min.... 2 
What Happened to Hannah, 15m. 1 1 

A great number of 

Standard and Amateur Plays 

not found here are listed in 

Denison's Catalogue 



T.S.DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers,154W. Randolph St., Chicago 



POPULAR ENTERTAINME 

Price, Illustrated Paper Covers, 30 





IN this Series 
are found 
books toucliing 
every feature 
in the enter- 
tainment field. 
Finely made, 
good paper, 
clear print and 
each book has 
an attractive 
individual cov- 
er design. 



A Partial List 

DIALOGUES 

All Sorts of Dialogues. 

Selected, fine for older pupils. 
Catchy Comic Dialogues. 

Very clever; for young people. 
Children's Comic Dialogues. 

From six to eleven years of age. 
Country School Dialogues. 

Brand new, original. 
Dialogues for District Schools. 

For country scliools. 
Dialogues from Dickens. 

Thirteen selections. 
The Friday Afternoon Dialogues. 

Over 50,000 copies sold. 
From Tots to Teens. 

Dialogues and recitations. 
Humorous Homespun Dialogues. 

For older ones. 
Little People's Plays. 

From 7 to 13 years of age. 
Lively Dialogues. 

For all ages; mostly humorous. 
Merry Little Dialogues. 

Thirty-eight original selections. 
When the Lessons are Over. 

Dialoa:ues, drills, plays. 
Wide Awake Dialogues. 

Original successful. 

SPEAKERS, MONOLOGUES 

Choice Pieces for Little People. 

A child's speaker. 
The Comic Entertainer. 

Recitations, monologues, dialogues. 
Dialect Readings. 

Irish, Dutch, Kegro, Scotch, etc. 
The Favorite Speaker. 

Choice prose and poetry. 
The Friday Afternoon Speaker. 

For pupils of all ages. 
Humorous Monologues. 

Particularly for ladies. 
Monologues for Young Folks. 

Clever, humorous, original. 



017 400 569 



Monologues Grave and Gay. 

Dramatic and humorous. 
Scrap- Book Recitations. 

Choice collections, pathetic, hu- 
morous, descriptive, prose, 
poetry. 15 Nos., per No. 80c 

DRILLS 

The Best Drill Book. 

Very popular drills and marches. 
The Favorite Book of Drills. 

Drills that sparkle wijh originality. 
Little Plays With Drills, 

For children from 6 to 11 years. 
The Surprise Drill Book. 

Fresh, novel, drills and marches, 

SPECIALTIES 

The Boys' Entertainer. 

Monologues, dialogues, drills. 
Children's Party Book. 

Invitations, decorations, games. 
The Days We Celebrate. 

Entertainments for all the holidays. 
Good Things for Christmas. 

Recitations, dialogues, drills. 
Good Things for Sunday Schools. 

Dialogues, exercises, recitations. 
Good Things for Thanksgiving. 

A gem of a book. 
Good Things for Washington 

and Lincoln Birthdays^ 
Little Folks' Budget. 

Easv pieces to speak, songs. 
One Hundred Entertainments. 

New parlor diversions, socials. 
Patriotic Celebrations. 

Great variety of material. 
Pictured Readings and Tableaux. 

Entirely original features. 
Pranks and Pastimes. 

Parlor games for children. 
Private Theatricals. 

How to put on pl&ys. 
Shadow Pictures, Pantomimes, 

Charades, and hdw to prepare. 
Tableaux and Scenic Readings. 

New and novel; for all ages. 
Twinkling Fingers and Sway- 
ing Figures. For little tots. 
Yuletlde Entertainments. 

A choice Christmas collection. 

MINSTRELS, JOKES 

Black-Face Joker. 

Minstrels' and end men's gags. 
A Bundle of Burnt Cork Comedy. 

Monologues, stump speeches, etc. 
Laughland.yla the Ha-Ha Route. 

A m«rry trip for fun tourists. 
Negro Minstrels. 

All about the business. 
The New Jolly Jester. 

Funny stories, jokes, gags, etc. 

Laree Illustrated Cataloeue Free 



T.S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers, 154 W. Randolph St., Chicago 



